Isn't 40 an amazing time for finding yourself :)
I think long term relationships are very interesting, I would agree with S* that we don't have a soulmate. Do we find Mr/Mrs right or do we just find a Mr/Mrs and make them right? I think its the latter. And don't get me wrong, I don't mean to change them but rather to go through a process of melding/blending/compromising together until your relationship becomes right.
I do believe that Mr S was part of Gods plan for my life and living our life together is beautiful most of the time. I think we have still gone through all the agonies of trying to find ourselves as individuals, and that is partly what makes our relationship work better now than 10 years ago. There is something very attractive about a person who knows and loves themself.
There is also a bond that occurs as the children start to grow older and seperate from you, and because of the time youve spent together forging trust there is a great sense of peace and security.
You do tend to rely on each others strengths and I guess that it would be very hard to adjust to ones partner of many years leaving or dying. I would like to think that I would be ok if that happened to me, that although my relationship brings me joy, peace and security, it is not the main source of those things. They come from my relationship with God.
Friday, 28 September 2007
For "Who Me"- finding yourself.
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14 comments:
You know you really do have such a way with words. And they seem to flow so much more easily from you than they do from me.
Hope you didn't mind me using you as an example in my post :)
What a beautiful post Sunshine.
What a beautiful lady you are.
Who me, I don't mind at all. And trust me, the flow is intermittent. I write well if its conversational and I'm responding to something someone else has said, but I have difficulty writing "cold". I am definitely an interacter!
Hi littlewing, you are a great encourager, thanks.
What a beautiful post. You expressed things I haven't been able to. Especially the "melding/blending/compromising"comment. That's exactly it. We fool ourselves if we think anyone can be 100% perfect to us. The reality is that we're like two different colours of plasticine being kneaded together over the years, producing something so special and unique in the swirls of colours as they blend and accommodate each other.
Welcome Fiona, I love that visual picture! That is exactly what its like, beautiful swirls. Thats what we get if we love, nurture and allow each other to be ourselves. Its when we try and squash each other that we end up with a big pile of muddy brown!
Sunshine I love that new profile photo!!!!
Thanks little wing.
Muddy Brown - yep! Some of us end up with a big pile of poop instead of those beautiful swirls :)
Sigh...the thoughts you express here are wonderful...in many ways it makes me a bit sad though, my long term relationship ended because only one of us was attempting the melding/blending/compromising, it just doesn't work that way. It does take two...or it isn't a partnership.
Guess mine was who me?'s pile of poop :)
"melding/blending/compromising"
You are spot on!
Sunny Delight - both of my marriages ended for that very reason - only one side making an attempt.
I can remember thinking, particularly with my first marriage, that if I just gave it everything I had, if I went out of my way to please him, not to argue, to show him my love every day, it had to work! But he had long since given up trying.
Second marriage - he made a great attempt to meld/blend our family....by insisting that we all do things HIS way. No compromising, and the emotional abuse of my son.
End result - pile of poop!
No wonder I am so happy being by myself :)
Wow, sunny and who me, relationships are never simple are they. Especially when they end badly. I just want to say that I admire your courage in not giving up on looking for another relationship, and for doing your utmost to make things work.
We are not responsibil for the thoughts and actions of others. Although we can sometimes bring about change in the dynamics of a situation by changing our response. (emphasis on sometimes!)
Sunshine- you are a fountain of wisdom. I would feel bereft if my H died even after all we've been through.
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